Woe is me...

Sometimes things just get a little overwhelming, and I feel totally inadequate, incompetent to run even my own life all by myself. Most people have somebody who can help them think about a plan or lift this or move that or haul off something else, show you how to do some task you've never done before. And truth be known, I bet those people are extremely taken for granted! Having such an aide, assistant, partner is not my lot in life.

Growing up, my dad was a master at anything he wanted to do. He did mechanic work, carpenter work, detailed things like beautiful crochet and embrodery or detailed rigging of a model ship - everything from the plumbing to roofing. You get the idea. During my marriage, my ex had learned from my dad and was an apt handyman, too. My sons never really cared about such things. Besides, they're now moved away and have their own homes and families.

So, here I sit, with a halfway knowledgeable understanding of how things are supposed to be done, especially for a girl, but by either limitations of dexterity (getting up and down for starters), strength to carry or lift or move things by myself, or just lack of experience, successful completion of desired tasks sometimes seems impossible. It's so frustrating.

Through these years for home repairs I've had to rely on hired help, and I'd make sure I got "qualified" people - but no, they would not be qualified. No matter how many years they're in business, they still hire the no-accounts that don't care what they do and still charge you outrageous prices. So, as I look around, I see the incompetencies of work that has been done in the past, and wonder how in this God's world will I ever get this all put back together again and not have a pile of pure junk when I get through.

When they leveled the house, the back door facing shifted a bit making the plunger a tiny bit short of fitting into the little hole to hold it closed. I didn't notice it until after they left. But the thumb bolt worked. So be it. Use the thumb bolt. When it rained the other night, rain came flooding in under that back door because the threshold is wrong and the steps that exit the house are set too high, level with the house floor. This was never noticed or bothered with because I had the awning that kept the rain off the door. So, a trip to Sutherland's today for a weather strip and seal. In my case I needed what's called a door sweep.

Even the walk in Sutherland's to find what I wanted was a difficult task because something is happening to my upper thigh muscles and walking has become difficult. It's like they're wasting away and not strong enough anymore. But be that as it may, the clerks kept telling me the wrong aisle to find the door weatherproofing stuff and I really didn't feel like another hike in the wrong direction.

But I finally found it and then didn't know - do I get 1/4, 3/8, 1/2? Where is a clerk? Nobody around and I wasn't going off to look for one who probably wouldn't know anyway. So, I settled for the middle, 3/8 -- wrong! It was too thick and door wouldn't close at all. So, I whittled it down with sissors -- nope, still wouldn't close. So, off it came! Whatever!

Then I studied that little metal thing on the door facing that the plunger goes into and deduced that if it were brought out just a bit, maybe the door would close and the plunger would catch inside the little hole and stay closed. So, I found a Phillips screwdriver and took the metal plate off, stuffed some of the weather stripping behind it and put it back in the place! Wa-la! I fixed that!

Now for the door sweep -- pull it out, get out directions - "don't cut this end!" Well, which end? Looking at the diagrams and reading and -- no, I really don't know how to do this. So, put it back in the plastic bag and now I will have to pay somebody to put it on -- probably charge me, what, $25, $50 to put it on? The darn thing cost $12.99. And who wants to bet when I do find somebody to do it for me, they will either do a messy job of it or cut it too short or something. It won't be right. I'll almost guarantee you!

So, that task at least tended to, and with the mold people scheduled in the morning, I thought I should get those bags of clothes out to the shed. I probably should have divided them up into smaller bags, but I managed to get them out there and just basically throw them in. Another castrophe in the shed. So much junk in there. At one time I had it all nice and neat; and over the years, whether it be myself or the boys, we'd look for something and throw stuff around to find it and never put it back. 90% needs to be thrown out!

Again, no help even if I did clean it out. Nobody to haul it off. Nobody with a pickup truck to take it to the dump. So, shovel the junk from Point A to Point B, and deal with Point B later. Maybe I'll rent a bloomin' pickup truck and go to the stupid dump myself!

Well, venting helps I guess. I am an extremely determined personality, and this will all get done if I can just not let it get me too overwhelmed. They say patience is learned as you age. I don't think so much that it's patience that I'm lacking, though, as the feeling that everything has to all be done right now and I have to do it all by myself and I don't have me to call to help me. So, it's more like -- um -- panic I would say!

As for my desk I'm making, with my mood such as it is today, the idea of veniering has been scrubbed and replaced with simply painting - so, chocolate brown enamel and some sandpaper should take care of that and make life a little easier. The darn things will be up against a wall filled with supplies and more junk and it will never make a whit of difference.

If you actually read all this, then thanks for listening to an ol' lady grumble. It helped.